Tell People Why You Are Telling Them Something
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Stating Intent Early Improves Communication
If you're at all typical, you probably don't tell people your intent when speaking to them. Maybe you think it's obvious, or should be. The irony is that this typically missing intent is probably the most important part of your communication. After all, that's the reason you speak, and the purpose you are trying to achieve. The trick to communicating intent is to be clear on it before you speak. Ask yourself, "What is my real purpose in saying what I'm about to say? What result am I really aiming for?" Suppose that you are angry with a loved one and have the intention to clear the air so that life together can be fun again. If you begin to talk about how upset you are, you run the risk of your loved one feeling attacked and reacting accordingly. Once you react to their reaction, and your loved one reacts to your reaction, the conversation could turn into a declaration of war or a hasty retreat!
Instead, you might begin by saying, "I care about you and hate to waste time being upset around you. I would like to clear the air, so we can enjoy our time together." Now your loved one knows where you are coming from. In such a receptive environment, communication is far more likely to occur. Have you ever been in a conversation where someone is telling you something and you find yourself wondering, "Why is he or she telling me this?"
If you have, then why would you want anyone to ever have that experience of you? Instead, tell people why you are telling them something before you actually tell them whatever it is you have to say, and you'll find this is a simple method for directing attention where you want it to go. If you give people a good reason to listen to you by stating your good intentions, you will communicate more clearly and spare yourself a lot of conflict.
From: The Art of Communication
© 2007 Dr. Rick Kirschner
PWW-019-004433
If you're at all typical, you probably don't tell people your intent when speaking to them. Maybe you think it's obvious, or should be. The irony is that this typically missing intent is probably the most important part of your communication. After all, that's the reason you speak, and the purpose you are trying to achieve. The trick to communicating intent is to be clear on it before you speak. Ask yourself, "What is my real purpose in saying what I'm about to say? What result am I really aiming for?" Suppose that you are angry with a loved one and have the intention to clear the air so that life together can be fun again. If you begin to talk about how upset you are, you run the risk of your loved one feeling attacked and reacting accordingly. Once you react to their reaction, and your loved one reacts to your reaction, the conversation could turn into a declaration of war or a hasty retreat!
Instead, you might begin by saying, "I care about you and hate to waste time being upset around you. I would like to clear the air, so we can enjoy our time together." Now your loved one knows where you are coming from. In such a receptive environment, communication is far more likely to occur. Have you ever been in a conversation where someone is telling you something and you find yourself wondering, "Why is he or she telling me this?"
If you have, then why would you want anyone to ever have that experience of you? Instead, tell people why you are telling them something before you actually tell them whatever it is you have to say, and you'll find this is a simple method for directing attention where you want it to go. If you give people a good reason to listen to you by stating your good intentions, you will communicate more clearly and spare yourself a lot of conflict.
From: The Art of Communication
© 2007 Dr. Rick Kirschner
PWW-019-004433
Visit Dr. Rick Kirschner's Website: http://www.theartofchange.com
More from Dr. Rick Kirschner:
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