A Threatened Intent to Get Along

• The Nothing Person: Timid, uncomfortable, and uncertain, the get along Nothing Person excels at tongue biting. Since they don't have anything nice to say, they don't say anything at all. At their worst, they say nothing almost all the time. This, in many ways, is the perfect strategy to avoid conflict, to avoid hurting someone else's feelings, and to keep from angering anyone. It's almost a perfect plan, but there is a fly in the ointment. Since the Nothing Person can't relate authentically or speak honestly, he or she doesn't really get along with anyone.


• The Yes Person: Yes People seek approval and avoid disapproval by trying to please everyone else. The Yes Person answers yes to every request, without actually thinking about what is being promised or the consequences of failing to follow through. "Sure," says the Yes Person. And to the next request, "OK," and "Of course," to the next request. Before long, the Yes Person has over promised and under delivered to such an extent that the very people he or she wanted to get along with are furious. In the rare instance where the promises are kept, the Yes Person's life is no longer their own, because all their choices are made around everyone else's needs and demands. This produces a deep-seated anxiety and much resentment in the Yes Person and can even lead to unconscious acts of sabotage.


• The Maybe Person: The Maybe Person avoids disapproval by avoiding decisions. After all, the wrong choice might upset someone, or something could go wrong and who would be blamed? The solution is to put the decision off, waffle, and hedge until someone else makes the decision or the decision makes itself. Like all the other difficult behaviors, this behavior perpetuates the problem it is intended to solve by causing so much frustration and annoyance that the Maybe Person is locked out from meaningful relationships with others.

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